Bakashipping
by Paradocs
Summary: Bakashipping: "Bah-kah-shih-peeng"; 1. N.; Ridiculous, often romantic, relationships between characters, as created by writers and fans of said characters. 2. V.; to be involved in the forming of such relationships.
1. Tendershipping?

**Bakashipping**

**Summary:** Bakashipping: "Bah-kah-shih-peeng"; 1. N.; Ridiculous, often romantic, relationships between characters, as created by writers and fans of said characters. 2. V.; to be involved in the forming of such relationships.

**Rated:** T

**Genre: **Angst/Hurt/Comfort

**Paradocs:** Well, according to my best friend and some other people, it's about time I wrote something that _wasn't _depressing or romantic.  
Unfortunately, I don't think I can actually accomplish that without poking a little fun at things here and there. Go me.  
So, here is my attempt at capturing what I prefer to call "Bakashipping"; literally, "Stupid/Ridiculous Shippings". It's also a play on the word for Bakura x Touzoku x Ryou, "Bakushipping", though this story is so much more than just _that. _And, if that's got your curiousity piqued, you'll just love this.  
ALSO: this is a humour/crack fic. With yaoi. So there. Nyeh.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters mentioned herein. Also, any brain damage resulting from this story is entirely NOT MY FAULT.

* * *

**The First Show**

Bakura slumped onto the beaten once-white sofa in front of the apartment's television set, leaning his head against the stained back cushions and closing his red-brown eyes. "Tell me why we're doing this again," he moaned wearily.

Ryou, walking towards Bakura with a bowl of popcorn in his arms, shrugged his thin shoulders. "I dunno. Paradocs just told us to do it and we're doing it." He sat in the center of the couch, putting the metal bowl on his lap and putting a handful of the buttery, salty kernels in his mouth.

Bakura groaned, reopening his eyes and looking at Ryou out of the corner of his eyes. "And why'd we agree to that?"

_WHUMP! _Touzoku vaulted over the back of the couch, landing on the cushion on Ryou's other side. The smaller boy yelped as some of the popcorn spilt out of the bowl and onto the cushions around him; one or two yellowy pieces landed in his untidy white hair. The tan boy grinned wolfishly at Bakura, ignoring the pouty look on Ryou's face now. "'Cuz, if we didn't, she was gonna fire our asses. Th' last time someone was dumb enough to refuse to do what she asked, she fired them." His grin turned to a knowing smirk. "And I mean, she _literally _fired them." The thief laughed as Ryou's expression turned to one of pure horror, though Bakura's didn't change from one of absolute boredom. He grabbed the remote that rested on the arm of the couch and pointed it at the TV.

"So, what're we doing again, anyway?" Bakura asked, pressing the power button and leaning back in his seat. Touzoku looked up from the handful of popcorn he'd stolen from Ryou's bowl.

"W' s'pos'd t' gr'vew s'm s'rta v'd'yos," Touzoku said through a mouthful of the stuff.

"What?!" Bakura and Ryou said together, staring at the scarred teen's face, with its cheeks puffed out and full of popcorn kernels. Touzoku swallowed and sighed, as if they should've been able to understand his garbled speech.

"We," he motioned at the trio. "Are s'posed to review some videos for her. And there's a metric _crapton_ of 'em," he added, snatching up the list from his armrest to look at before he crumpled it into a ball and tossed it over his shoulder behind the couch.

"TOU!" Ryou shouted, making a dive to grab the paper and missing, managing to flounder over the back of the couch. Bakura grabbed the back of the smaller boy's shirt and yanked him back down. Ryou glared at the thief, who grinned back, since the effect of Ryou's glaring was that he looked like an angry puppy, or maybe a frustrated panda. "We might need that!" He continued, annoyed enough that his voice started to sound squeaky. Bakura stifled a chuckle while the subject of Ryou's frustration shrugged.

"Look, it's all cool. 'S all on the DVD she's plugged in, too." He pointed at the DVD player that rested on top of the television set, and four eyes followed. It was duct-taped shut, with the buttons all secured beneath a plexiglass cage. Large speakers sat on either side of the television, cords attached to the AV jacks and the DVD player and secured there with more duct tape. Bakura looked down at the remote and silently noted that the only buttons _not _removed were the on and play buttons, and shrugged.

He pressed "play".

_"Oh, Bakura-chan!" _A squeaky voice cried out from the screen. _"Please, please, just..."_ A scream echoed throughout the room. Ryou's eyes widened.

"Is that.... _me?_" He asked, incredulous. Bakura sniggered.

"Wow, Ryou," he said sardonically. "Never heard you call me _that _befo--" The rest of his sentence was cut off by the next voice to come from the set.

_"Oh, my sweet little hikari," _The voice was soft and passionate, the sort that could only come out of the minds of either a Hollywood producer or a rabid fangirl. _"Don't you know how I feel about you? About us?" _Another scream, but this one was like the sort Bakura and Touzoku had only seen in their wanderings around the Internet while Ryou was out. And only when Ryou was gone. They were careful, dammit.

"Oh gods," Bakura breathed, eyes as wide as Ryou's.

Ryou was paler than usual. "Am I...? Is that a...?" Bakura nodded silently, eyes fixed on the screen in horrified fascination. Touzoku sniggered, grabbing a fistful of popcorn from Ryou's bowl and stuffing it into his mouth with wild abandon.

"'Ell yeff!" He swallowed the mass of buttery, salty goodness and clapped the boy on the opposite end of the sofa on the back hard enough that it sent him forward slightly. "Gettin' it on with your hikari, eh? You damn pervert, you!" He hooted, as if the whole thing was hilarious. Bakura diverted his attention from the screen long enough to give his past self a look that said _If I were you, I'd shut my gods-damned mouth before I had it shut. You perverted bastard._, before looking back at the set. The screen was black now, and the speakers were silent.

Ryou looked up at his yami. His face looked like he'd just marathon-watched the entire Saw franchise five times in a row. "Is it... over?" he whispered. Bakura nodded, and Ryou set his popcorn bowl on the cushion next to a very-pleased Touzoku before bolting for the bathroom. The two remaining boys listened as their roommate proceeded to empty his stomach of whatever he'd eaten in the last five hours (which, despite Ryou's rail-like physique, was an awful lot).

"Damn." Bakura said, letting the silence stand between the hurling sounds. He waited a moment, trying to come up with something to say, then gave up. "Damn," he repeated, and Touzoku nodded, mouth full of more popcorn than should've been legally allowed. The thief swallowed.

"I think that's what they call Tendershipping." He grinned at Bakura's dumbfounded expression before it mutated into one of blind fascination as the whitenette looked back that the television screen.

"That has to be the most _un_tender thing I've ever seen. Ever."

* * *

**Paradocs: **A hahahah! What should come next? Any ideas, folks?  
Feel free to point me in the right direction, but remember!  
**ALL PAIRINGS MUST INVOLVE BAKURA, RYOU, TOUZOKU, OR ANY COMBINATION OF THE ABOVE. You can use OTHER characters, but at least ONE of those three must be involved!**


	2. Shove THAT in your eye!

**Bakashipping**

**Summary:** Bakashipping: "Bah-kah-shih-peeng"; 1. N.; Ridiculous, often romantic, relationships between characters, as created by writers and fans of said characters. 2. V.; to be involved in the forming of such relationships.

**Rated:** T

**Genre: **_oops, forgot to change this earlier.... Eheheheh. _Humour!

**Paradocs:** Woo! Well, seems y'all like this so far. Heh. It's my first humour fic, too, so I'm happy.  
Anyway, I just want to address a few things really quick here, before we let the Boys take over again:

**Thief of Spades- **Thanks! I'm always a little self-conscious of my writing, so a lot of what ends up being published, I don't read after publishing. There've been a few exceptions, but still. I'm more of a Tendershipper, too, but Bakushipping is just _so _much fun, when done right. And, don't worry. I have a bazooka-shotgun hybrid and a collection of knives and swords near my laptop, just in case I get any flamers. And a ready wit and tongue! Also, yes, Geminishipping _will _be included. Obviously. XD  
**Pendulum666- **First off, I'd like to thank Pen here for all her support; she's actually my best friend in real life, and the best editor and friend a girl could have. Secondly, I'd like it noted that she is the technical _co-_author of Bakashipping; she does a lot of research for it, and thus, has more than slightly injured her brain, what with all the 'fics out there and such... But, yes. Thanks, Pen! And, I'm glad I'm good at comedy. Heh.  
**Nemisor- **Oh, don't worry. Darkshipping is something that I've been _dying _to tear apart, among other shippings. And, yes, hugs to you, too. Glad to see there're people who're willing to hand me their pairings with a tag saying TEAR THIS SHIT UP! :D It helps me sleep at night.

ALSO: Yes, I'm well aware that I've broken the Fourth Wall here. For those of you who have no idea what that is, it's the barrier between the audience (you readers), the story (and characters), and the author (me). Because I've gone and inserted myself here, in passing, and the Bakurae are watching _your shippings_. So! Deal with it, you pansies. =D

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters mentioned herein. Also, any brain damage resulting from this story is entirely NOT MY FAULT, and I will take no responsibility for it. Oh. And vulgarity and implied yaoi, though I _think_ you guys got that earlier.

* * *

**The Second Show**

Bakura and Touzoku sat on opposite ends of the couch, staring in vague silence at the blank television screen. Apparently, Paradocs had decided that putting several minutes of blank space between the first horror and whatever lay ahead was a good idea. Which, Bakura thought, was rather intelligent of the authoress, but still. The former tomb robber snapped out of his musing with a prod of his past self's elbow.

"A'fin' Eeyo's d'n p'kin'," Touzoku said through a garbled mouth of popcorn. He'd taken the liberty of replenishing what had once been Ryou's bowl of popcorn with a fresh bag, and was about halfway through devouring each and every kernel of it. Silently, Bakura noted to burn every bag of Orville Redenbacher Popcorn they owned. It was one thing for the thief king to like the stuff; it was an entirely different matter for him to keep shoving it into his mouth and talk like he expected to be understood. A few minutes of trying to understand the tanned boy had resulted in a bare ability to translate the mess of speech.

"Well, he'd better be done, or he's going to clear out his intestines nex--" Bakura's comment was cut off by a gagging sound that was accompanied by the flushing of a toilet. "Never mind." The white-haired teen sighed, slamming his head against the sofa cushion behind him and closing his reddish-brown eyes in defeat.

Tou swallowed the food in his mouth and grinned. "Well, if he's gonna keep puking all day from that last show...." A shrug. "I don't think Para had this in mind, exactly."

"'Course she did," Bakura opened one eye to glare at the other. "Girl's a fucking _psycho_path." He sighed, as if that didn't make a difference, and sat back up. "Whatever. At least whatever comes up next can't be as bad as that last one. I mean, you'n'me, we've seen our share of kinky shit, right?" Touzoku nodded as the next images came on the screen.

"Mmfza' 'e?"

Bakura snapped his head around to glare at the former thief, who, with a muffled sigh, swallowed and repeated himself. "I said, is that me?" He pointed a tanned finger at the screen. Bakura returned his attention to it and grinned.

"Why, yes, it _is_!" The almost-albino chuckled. "Though I don't see what could possibly be so kinky about you being in the des..." His voice trailed off at the sight of the next vision on the screen. "Aw, _fuck._" Touzoku sniggered.

"You'n'me, making out on screen?" Another snigger from the boy. "Well, 'Kura, I didn't know you felt _that _way about me!" Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, Touzoku, because, you know, screwing someone who's technically myself from three-thousand years ago is just _such _a turn-on for me!" He said sarcastically. Tou grinned.

"Oh, I think you ought to see this then, Bakura," he pointed at the screen. "'S not _you _screwing _me._" Bakura looked back in the screen, horrified at what he saw there, and groaned.

"Oh, for the love of _Ra_!" He swore, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the couch as the groans and moans coming through the speakers intensified. He _refused _to watch this! Wasn't it bad enough that he'd just had to watch himself and Ryou going at it?

Apparently not.

Touzoku grabbed Bakura's head and forced his eyes open with his calloused fingers. "Oh, c'mon!" The thief laughed. "Ryou had to watch that last one, and the poor kid's about as pure as it gets! You, now," Tou sniggered as Bakura squirmed to get out of his grip, and used it as an opportunity to hold on harder. "You're 'bout the dirtiest bastard I've ever known and, c'nsidering we're the same person, that's saying somethin'." More moans on the television, followed by a squeal that made Bakura want to punch whoever had come up with this idea. "You 'm'barassed 'bout me fucking you or something?"

Bakura managed to tear himself out of the other's grip and glared daggers at him. "Do you have any _idea_ how much it'd hurt to do that in the middle of the desert?!" He exclaimed, pointing at the set. Touzoku smirked at him, and Bakura sighed. "'Course you do. I forgot. But all the same! It's got nothing to do with that, and everything to do with just how im_possible _that'd be!" Bakura stood up and marched towards the kitchen, just as the screen went black.

"Where're you going?" Touzoku called to him, just before he stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Bakura turned halfway around to answer him. "I'm going to go find the sharpest implement in the kitchen, and use it to gouge my eyes out before I have to watch anymore of that crap. Or get so drunk that it doesn't matter anymore. Whichever one's easier." He continued his walk into the kitchen, and the thief on the sofa chuckled.

"Too bad the booze's all in my room, and we're fresh out of Smirnoff anyway."

The white words on the black screen read something that Touzoku found absolutely amusing.

"Geminishipping, Bakura! That's what they call it when we screw each other senseless!" He shouted towards the other. He was answered by a clattering of metallic instruments, then:

"Oh, yeah, you know why that is?" Bakura stuck his spikey, white-haired head out of the doorway, a serving spoon in one hand. "It's because watching it's like driving a shard of _glass _into your fucking _eye _sockets!" With that, he disappeared back into the kitchen, amidst the sound of more implements being shuffled through noisily. Touzoku turned back to the screen.

Whatever. _He _thought it was funny.

* * *

**Paradocs: **WOO.  
Remember, for your reviews and suggestions!  
**ALL PAIRINGS MUST INVOLVE BAKURA, RYOU, TOUZOKU, OR ANY COMBINATION OF THE ABOVE. You can use OTHER characters, but at least ONE of those three must be involved!  
**And, as a bit of emergency protocol: if you're going to add this story to your Favourites or Alerts, PLEASE INCLUDE A REVIEW! Or send me a Private Message, if you're THAT shy. I mean, seriously. I don't bite! ... much.


	3. A Gem? Eh, probably not, actually

**Bakashipping**

**Summary:** Bakashipping: "Bah-kah-shih-peeng"; 1. N.; Ridiculous, often romantic, relationships between characters, as created by writers and fans of said characters. 2. V.; to be involved in the forming of such relationships.

**Rated:** T

**Genre: **Humour

**Paradocs:** Well, we're two chapters into this mess, and still going strong. Honestly, I'm very impressed by my ability to write humour and for you all to take it, read it, and enjoy it. That's pretty amazing in itself. -nods-  
Anyway, just to shout out to those of you who reviewed the last chapter...

**Nemisor- **Well, someone's well-alerted to this, eh? We're up, what, an hour, and you've already reviewed? Nice work, my Finnish companion, and I'm glad to see someone agree with me on how impossible Geminishipping is. I'm going to do the pairings first, then groupings, so, yes, there WILL be Darkshipping (I honestly can't understand who thought that'd work!) and Psychoshipping (pretty much the same opinion as Darkshipping). Fractureshipping is an obvious YES, and Yamishipping? Well, since that just hurts my brain... -grins- Don't worry, honestly.

**Pride1289-** Well, what a lovely surprise, seeing you here! And, yes, there shall be Spazzshipping (Jounouchi x Bakura) and Antagoshipping (Kaiba x Bakura) at some point. Not to mention Kleptoshipping (Yuugi x Bakura; XP) and Diceshipping (Otogi x Bakura) at some point. And, as I recently discovered, Fragileshipping (Ryou x Yami). I'm thorough like that!

**Sapphire Fan-** ...I hate you. Anzu?! HAVE YOU NO DECENCY, CHILD?!

**Naito no Megami-** ...What is with you and the children? Mokuba? With Mariku and Touzoku? Do you _want_ to see the child dead? But, yeah, sure on the Conspire and Deathshipping. I'm up for that.

**Kuroi Ruusu- **D'aww! Thank y'kindly, marm! I'm keeping at it, sure as hell! And, Ryou is cuter. Obviously. Touzoku's just a snarky, quippy, completely cool guy. Nothing phazes _him_.

**ConsumedByLove-** ...If it's possible, I hate you as much as Sapphire Fan. Mostly because I think I've already covered Tendershipping, and I am not, I repeat, **NOT,** doing this to "tear into stuff"; I'm doing it to poke fun at what people think up, and to show the funnier side of all this. So, before you, or anyone else, flames me or gets all upset over this, this fic **is a humour fic.** The key word there is **HUMOUR.** So, kindly, HUSH UP. Either give recommendations for what hasn't been done yet, or review. Don't ask for more of the same, because that's just boring. I write enough Tendershipping as it is!

In other news: Who the hell comes up with these shippng names?! And the pairings! Ryou x Miho is Halfshipping? -gags- Not only is Miho an annoying slut, in my opinion, but with RYOU?! Gah! If I suddenly die while writing this, that's going to be why! THE SHIPPINGS HURT.

Oh. Did I menion that, yes, there'll eventually be some het? But not written nearly as well as the other stuff, because I'm odd like that. ^-^

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters mentioned herein. Also, any brain damage resulting from this story is entirely NOT MY FAULT, and I will take no responsibility for it. Oh. And vulgarity and implied yaoi, though I _think_ you guys got that earlier.

* * *

**The Third Show**

"Tou?" The thief turned around from the blank screen to see Ryou standing right behind him, looking a little hesitant. He'd changed his shirt to a white one with a black star on the front, and had taken the liberty of washing up. Touzoku grinned.

"Done puking your guts out?" The tan boy said, patting the seat next to him. Ryou, looking a little embarassed, walked around and sat where he'd indicated, pulling his knees up against his chest, and nodded.

"I never want to see anything like that ever again," the smaller boy said, sounding vaguely horrified. Touzoku stifled the urge to laugh or tell Ryou that what he'd seen had been almost tame compared to what he and Bakura had just seen. But where was the fun in that? Besides, Ryou couldn't go through life being so sweet and innocent the whole time. Eventually, someone would've ruined it for him. So what if it was a half-mad authoress doing it?

"Hey, umm... Tou?" The thief turned to face Ryou, who now looked puzzled. "Where's Bakura?"

_Crap._ "Well, he, umm..." Touzoku was saved from having to explain the last few minutes' activity by a loud crashing sound in the kitchen.

"Damn you, Paradocs! Damn you to the farthest nether-regions of hell!" There was the sound of a glass being broken, and Ryou winced. Touzoku jerked his thumb towards the kitchen door.

"He's in there." More crashing and swearing. "Something about 'stabbing his eyes out or drinking until he didn't care anymore'." Touzoku smirked. Ryou looked horrified, brown eyes wide open in fear. "Don't worry. Para made sure there wasn't anything left in the kitchen but popcorn and spoons, so he's just going to have to drown himself in tap water."

"Oh." Ryou still looked worried, though less so. "Well, o-okay. If you say he'll be fine--"

"I do." Touzoku continued to smirk in Ryou's direction, almost forcing him to shrug.

"Then I guess I'll just have to take your word for it!" Ryou's face suddenly brightened as the young boy burst into an unexpected smile. The change in his expression almost made the thief jump out of his seat.

Almost.

But, in keeping with his "devil-may-care, I-never-freak-out" demeanor, the Egyptian merely shrugged, feigning indifference as images appeared on the screen again.

_Double crap._ Because who should appear on the television set this time but himself and Ryou? Mind, the screen was relatively dark, and Ryou was busy picking popcorn out of the seat cushions and fussing over his messy eating habits (as if they'd mattered back in Egypt), but still. Any moment now, he was going to look up and see the screen-version of Touzoku holding him by the shoulder as he sat on his lap and grinding into the screen-Ryou's rear end.

Not that that didn't sound like a good idea to the thief king. In fact, if he didn't have such an _impeccable _sense of morality, he would've grabbed Ryou and started mimicking the action on the television set, right then and there. Especially since Ryou looked so sweet and vulnerable right now, curled into a little ball and bent over the sofa, gathering kernels of popcorn and putting them in the half-full metal bowl.

_But he'll freak out! _The tiny part of Touzoku that he recognized as his conscience whined, as a number of thoughts that had to be R-rated, at least, ran through his mind. _You saw what that bit with him and Bakura did to the kid! What do you think _that _would do to him, then? _Touzoku ignored that thought as he scooted casually closer to Ryou. The smaller boy looked over his shoulder at him in surprise, the motion breaking his concentration on the bits of food stuck in the crack between the middle cushion and the one next to it.

"Hm?" With a few strands of snowy hair hanging in front of his large brown eyes, Ryou looked positively adorable. Touzoku resisted the urge to grab him right then and there, and instead settled for putting his arm casually across the younger's shoulders. Ryou raised one eyebrow, silently asking _What're you doing?_

"Y'looked so, so..." Touzoku's mind raced as he saw Ryou begin to turn his face towards the screen. "Hey, gimme that bowl!" The thief said, snatching it from Ryou's lap and earning him a glare from the other. The thief shoved a handful of buttery kernels into his mouth, cheeks puffing out from the large amount of food in his mouth. Ryou rolled his eyes and giggled, breaking the awkward tension as he reached forward, grabbing a few pieces and popping them, one by one, into his mouth, chewing each with such evident care that Touzoku had to wonder how precious this popcorn stuff was, anyway.

After a moment, Ryou swallowed the last of the pieces of popcorn in his hand and smiled. "You sure seem to like popcorn," he said with a trace of laughter in his voice. Touzoku nodded, his eyes wandering towards the screen, where he could see...

Well, it was graphic. Nothing that Ryou should see, seeing as how it was about five times as bad as what he'd seen earlier. Compared with what he and Bakura had just watched, though, it was a tad less horrible, more along the lines of what Tou would watch on the computer when neither Bakura or Ryou were in the area. A shift of the body under his arm notified that Ryou was starting to turn towards the television set to see why the speakers were letting out so many groaning and gasping sounds. Hurriedly, the former thief king moved to force Ryou to turn more towards him, reluctantly tearing his lavender-grey eyes from the screen to do so.

"Why don't we play a game, Ryou? How about Thief?" He asked, seeing the start of a questioning look on the smaller boy's face. "It's easy. All you have to do is steal something from me to win," the tan male added hastily. "I'll go first, if you'd like." When Ryou didn't move away, but sat there, looking curious, Touzoku felt a flutter in his well-muscled chest, right around where his heart or stomach were. He couldn't really tell the difference; it didn't matter, anyway. Slowly, Touzoku leaned one shoulder towards Ryou, turning his body around so that he could, for all intensive purposes, appear to be leaning against Ryou.

For comfort reasons.

Obviously.

Or, at least, that's what it would look like to the untrained eye, and, most likely, to Ryou. Touzoku's idea for what he'd steal from Ryou was not something as petty as any of his posessions, nor would he let his prize be so trivial as a simple hug or a resting place for his head.

No, what Touzoku had planned for Ryou was something far more entertaining, and had not been influenced by the scenes on the television. Nope. Not the slightest bit.

And, with that, and the hint that Ryou was starting to turn his attention towards the television screen (where, as Tou could clearly see, he was chaining Ryou to a wooden bedframe), Tou turned around, grabbed the near-albino's face with one hand, and proceeded to kiss him--

"AHEM."

Touzoku and a flushed-looking Ryou turned their heads around to look towards the kitchen doorway, where a very annoyed Bakura stood, arms crossed over his chest. Immediately, the would-be thief dropped his hands and turned back around, while Ryou, still curled into a ball on the sofa, blushed an even deeper shade of red as he focused his eyes on the now-blank television screen.

"What the hell was that?" Bakura asked flatly, sounding more pissed than he had in the kitchen just minutes before.

"N-nothing!" Touzoku lied, glancing at Bakura, who raised one white eyebrow skeptically at his pitiful response.

"Then, if you would kindly _get __your __hands __off _my goddamned hikari, you pervert!" What had started off as a calm request ended in Bakura lunging at the arm Touzoku had left draped around Ryou's shoulders. The resulting tussle between the two males nearly knocked Ryou off the sofa.

A few more minutes of this found the two still locked in a violent wrestling match, with Ryou attempting to take shelter on the floor in front of the couch with assorted scattered pieces of popcorn, his head shielded by the now-empty popcorn bowl. The fight could've continued for much longer, had someone not come into the room at that moment.

"Well, looks like _some_one's enjoying themself, ne?"

At that voice, Touzoku froze in mid-headlock, turning his head to look in the direction of the newcomer. Ryou poked his head around the base of the sofa, the metal bowl still on his head and a few kernels of popcorn stuck in his fluffy white mane. Bakura craned his neck around his captor's arm to get a better view.

The television set and DVD player _click!_ed off softly in the background. Somewhere, a baby began to cry. Lightning flashed. Dozens fanboys ceased to suffer from bloody noses. The Ninja Council named Balto the Wolfdog as the new Hokage, and the staff members of both Kumoricon and Sakuracon began to have second thoughts about their timing.

And there, in the doorway, stood the reason behind the boys' problems, the smut on the screen, the freeze-framed fight; hell, some would even go so far as to blame her for the fanboys' now-nonexistant nosebleeds.

The girl who stood there was not particularly tall, nor thin. Her hair was shower-wet and tied back into a braid, and a military-style hat sat on her head. Her black t-shirt and jeans looked comfortable, even. Her glasses made her eyes look a bit larger, almost anime-like in their cuteness.

But this teenager was hardly anime material. She was too foul, too twisted and villainous for even the most demented series.

Her name was Paradocs.

"Aw, _shit._" Bakura swore, and was promptly hit in the head by a flying aluminum Nalgene bottle full of cold green tea.

* * *

**Paradocs: **WOO.  
Remember, for your reviews and suggestions!  
**ALL PAIRINGS MUST INVOLVE BAKURA, RYOU, TOUZOKU, OR ANY COMBINATION OF THE ABOVE. You can use OTHER characters, but at least ONE of those three must be involved!  
**And, as a bit of emergency protocol: if you're going to add this story to your Favourites or Alerts, PLEASE INCLUDE A REVIEW! Or send me a Private Message, if you're THAT shy. I mean, seriously. I don't bite! ... much.

And, psh, next chapter? That's when we'll be hitting up all your requests! GWAHAHAH! ...And now it'll be completely RANDOM as to which one gets selected! HAH.


End file.
